Submitted by
Julie Hayes
A Very Simple Plan
I had a college degree and a very simple plan. Marry the man I love, earn a very comfortable living, make a few friends along the way, and raise a family in a loving, privileged setting. The marriage part was rather easy as that ball was already rolling before graduation. Finding the right job was a little more challenging since my new husband’s first employment was in a small southern town. But with some grit and a little luck, I landed a management training position with a large local bank and life was good.
It didn’t take long for my plan to be challenged, however. The prominent figures at the bank did not all live up to my idealistic image of leaders. There were affairs which landed a few in bank manager positions for which they were perhaps not the most qualified candidates. There were conversations where very racial views were expressed, and an “in” club that required a certain charisma, a willingness to overlook choices being made by those in the club. I found myself torn. I wanted to be in that club. I knew that it was my ticket to that privileged lifestyle I so desired. But, the pit of my stomach kept reminding me of a value system instilled in me by my parents. It nagged at me here and there, and in the end, it ultimately won out.
I look back on that young person confused by the allures around her, and I realize how lucky I was to have had someone in my life who took the time to teach me right from wrong, good from bad. I could so easily have been pulled in the wrong direction because I coveted the association with those in power. What saved me was not myself, but rather the voice inside my heart which had been shaped from birth by my own loving family. For all practical purposes, I had ignored that voice during my college years and my infant adulthood. But it was ceaseless in its persistence to be heard, and eventually I listened and understood, and most importantly acted.
The lesson learned from my first job has stuck with me through the years. As a teacher now, I know that kids who make very poor choices from time to time, but are from a supportive family with a real sense of morality, will go on to become decent human beings who work hard and give back to others from their own abundance of knowledge and love. I also know too many children who do not have such a support system, whose values have gone so awry, whose trust in human nature has been eroded. These children come to me with a void where their inner voices should reside. They listen, instead, to the echoes of their own desires and act upon them impulsively with little regard for the consequences to others.
It was these children who were on my mind a few years back while I was at a Leadership Team meeting at my school. We were all venting our chagrin at how the hope for them was so limited, and I bemoaned the fact that we had nothing in place to fill the void left by their neglectful parents. I will not soon forget the response of one of our team members. She said, “I don’t see you volunteering to do something about this.” I went home indignant and even angry at her insensitivity. How could she think of me in such a light? But then I realized she was right. Once I had overcome my indignation, the wheels in my brain began to turn. I asked myself, “What could I do to help fill these children up with what my parents had given me?” The answer came rather quickly. It seemed to be a very simple plan. Hadn’t I always subscribed to the notion that children are shaped by all of those who grace them with their experience and wisdom…teachers, grandparents, church members, friends, neighbors? Hadn’t I become a teacher because I knew I wanted to give back to my world by having a hand in molding these kids’ characters? Hadn’t I, in fact, become a mentor, a mother, a friend to students under my care? Didn’t I know many people in our community who impacted my own children just because they were good and decent? Would it be possible to assemble these very same people and use their skills more prudently with these children who so desperately needed them?
Hence, the idea of “Camp Grandbuddies” was hatched. My dearest friend, (and colleague), and I called upon all those who we knew had the passion to be mentors. Some were retired members of our community, some were teachers, some were simply good people. We matched them with children from our school chosen by teacher recommendation. We brought them together for a week of fun and sharing, and then these wonderful mentors took over from there. We asked them to think about what they had done for significant others in their lifetimes to help shape and mold them into caring, good people. Then, we explained that this was all we asked of them with their Grandbuddies. Just do what came naturally, and help these children see that there is another way out there. We truly weren’t sure if it would be enough to make a difference, but we felt very compelled to give it our best shot.
We’ll be embarking upon our third summer with Camp Grandbuddies soon. Many of our mentors have continued their relationship with their Grandbuddies throughout the two years since our first camp. Have they made a difference? Have they maybe even helped save a child from a future clouded with immorality and danger? I can’t honestly answer that question. But I know that I have seen magic in some of the connections made between our mentors and their Grandbuddies. I had a student who never smiled while under my care. He had no joy. He was so full of anger and distrust of adults that his interactions with other children seemed almost devoid of any conscience. I had very little hope for him, even in Camp Grandbuddies. His mentor, the choir director at my church, had him out playing tennis, experimenting with instruments, and fishing. This child enjoyed himself. I caught him just beaming at his mentor one day and his smile spoke volumes. He had connected with a person who cared about him, and he knew it.
I also know that we have bettered the odds for these children. I know that when adolescence invades their bodies and their minds, they’ll have a memory of line dancing with “Nanna” in the middle of an elementary classroom. They’ll have a memory of baking a cake or engaging others in a watermelon seed spitting contest. They’ll have a memory of conversations about life, fear, friendship, and justice. They’ll have a new perspective on how to react in uncertain situations which they may choose to follow instead of another irresponsible path. Perhaps, just perhaps, this will be enough for some of them.
Above and beyond all else, I know what Camp Grandbuddies has done for me and presumably all of the mentors. We opened ourselves to children who were different than we were, and we learned so much from them. We learned the power of perseverance that is innate in young children. We learned to appreciate their skill at leaving their troubled worlds behind and connecting with us, even enjoying their time with us mentors who were so naďve about the sadness which pervaded their very essences even as we lived in the same space and breathed the same air. Yet we were so distant from their world. They forgave us our ignorance and opened themselves to us. We were blessed to be privy to such unconditional trust.
Do I believe very ordinary people can become heroes for those who need them? Do I believe that troubled children have something to teach all of us? Do I believe that we can mutually help each other? Do I believe that it could be a very simple plan? My answer is a resounding yes…yes…yes…yes! This is why we are put on this planet. We can make a difference, however small or large. It doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that we do it, and then let it take its course. Surely, only good things can come from such a commitment. Even if just one child is saved, then our efforts will have been worth it.
This essay is dedicated to my heroes: All the mentors who have given their hearts and their time to Camp Grandbuddies for the sake of children in need. Thank you, Julie Hays.
Answers to Essay Questions:
1. Comment on the 6-year-old with a telescope and his interest in abstract ideas. How unusual was he? Have you encountered students with similar focus and reasoning abilities? Discuss.
Six-year-olds are my specialty as I have been teaching this age group for 8 years now. I have met many very imaginative six-year-olds who can discuss any number of subjects including such abstract ideas as expressed by the child in the article. However, I have found left to their own devices, that most are content to keep their imaginary worlds very simple, what is fun to them, rather than delve into the deeper meanings of life and goodness. With a little prompting and honesty from trusted adults , on the other hand, these same children can and will search for and find more depth in their talk, interests, work, and play. They are so moldable and willing to break new ground if only prompted by caretakers. Children of this age certainly have the capacity to be introspective and ponder more than their toys and friends. They simply need a push to get there, and that is where educators, parents, grandparents, mentors, ADULTS, come into the picture.
2. Were you surprised to read that young children may be “ethically introspective citizens”? Discuss.
I am not surprised at all as I have been a witness to it throughout the years. I say this, and yet each time I see it happen in my classroom, I feel incredulous and renewed because it is so touching to watch. Six and seven year olds have a built- in need for justice, and believe me, do their fair share of tattle-telling to achieve it! This is the perfect age to have moral discussions to begin fine-tuning what is already there. They are not mature enough to fully understand all the abstract ramifications of behavior or to communicate such in an adult manner. However, in their own way, if we are truly listening and watching, they show us that they want and need what is right, and seek it out in others.
3. Do you agree that morality can be taught in all kinds of classes? Give examples from experience.
I believe opportunities to teach morality arise in all facets of life. A classroom is a busy place with people who differ greatly in the their backgrounds, skin color, beliefs, customs, strengths, and weaknesses. This naturally creates moments of conflict. Those moments must be used to instruct, not just punish. Feelings have to be expressed verbally and children of all ages have to be shown how to express such feelings. I have used various curricula to teach morality and character with my students, and they have been useful. But, I tell you, the moments where real conflicts arise are indeed the most instructive. Students have an investment in these moments because they are involved personally. They are more attentive, more serious about understanding what has taken place, and ultimately remember those much better than contrived situations.
4. What was meant by the phrase encountered in your required reading: “We are all moral witnesses” ? Describe an instance in the classroom when you were a good moral witness.
It means to me that being a moral witness is how we adults give back to the world which gave to us as children and youth. It means that morality matters and begins with us. We have the obligation to plant the seed in those children we nurture. As a teacher, I have had some unique opportunities to share personal heartache with my students because my oldest daughter became disabled at the age of 4. Her interactions with children her age have been difficult at times. Though I believe these children have empathy for Johnsie, they do not know how yet to show it, and let go of peer perception, fear of the unknown, or their need to be popular. This has been particularly evident through Johnsie’s Middle School years. There was an instance where Johnsie volunteered to read the morning announcements in Middle School via the local television station. Because Johnsie has lost the left peripheral vision in both eyes, she must turn her head sideways to read anything. Likewise, Johnsie is unable to read cursive handwriting because of its abstractness. When presented with the announcements written in cursive that day, Johnsie stumbled and required help from her school’s principal to complete her task. She was made fun of by several students. She witnessed students in the hallway mocking her appearance on the program. It was very painful. I shared this experience with my class and we discussed what may have been going on with these kids. We talked about Johnsie’s feelings and what may have prompted them to behave so. I must admit to you that I cried throughout our conversation out of genuine pain for my beloved daughter. But the children were not put off by this show of emotion. Indeed, it rallied them to Johnsie’s defense and they were very put out with the behavior of these students. We concluded our conversation with a “What if” scenario. What if they are faced in the future with a similar situation and must choose between going with the crowd or standing up for what is right? They all vowed, of course, to do the latter. I know realistically that they all won’t do the latter. But I also know that they will pause for thought and remember our conversation because it was real and honest talk from an adult they respected. This perhaps will impact their actions and decisions.
5. Define courage. Tell of a youngster who has had the courage to stand up for his/her beliefs/values.
I have a child from Camp Grandbuddies living with me and my family while his biological family gets their act together. When I met him 2 years ago, he was angry, confused, afraid, which of course impacted his behavior and achievement. This child had the courage to tell me how wrong his life was. He had to overlook family loyalties to do this, and it was very painful for him. He believed that there was still hope for him if he only kept trying. So many children are unwilling or afraid to tell us as educators what is going on in their homes. They protect those whom they love. This child somehow knew that protecting those he loved wasn’t helping them or him at all. He took a risk. He asked for help. He loved himself and his family enough to do the right thing. He is a blessing!
6. Comment on the discussion of courage that took place in a fourth grade history lesson, as outlined in the required reading. Share an experience where your class spontaneously engaged in a moral analysis.
I shared with you in question # 4 the discussion I had with my class about my daughter, Johnsie. The children agreed that Johnsie was a person of real courage. Not only did she volunteer to read, which in and of itself was daunting, but she lived through the experience. My students brought up the fact that many kids in Johnsie’s shoes would never have even volunteered to read publicly. They were also very interested in justice for Johnsie. One of my students said he’d bust those kids up who made fun of her. This led someone to question what Johnsie did about what happened to her. I explained that she went to her principal and asked for his help in confronting those kids. But, at first, she really didn’t want to do that. She felt it was much easier to ignore what happened and keep quiet. She feared these kids would dislike her and even influence others to feel the same. I was the one who pushed her to make a stand. My students all agreed that making a stand was not only courageous, but the right thing to do. They simply couldn’t stand the idea that these students should get away with such behavior. Many began to share similar experiences where someone had hurt them with their words or actions in our classroom. Why they hadn’t shared these experiences before, I’m not sure. But my guess is that first they had resigned themselves to the fact that these things just happen in school, and secondly, perhaps they didn’t have the courage to stand up either. Our discussion gave them a chance to share in a safe forum as well as let them see that these things are not okay in our classroom.
7. How is a good person defined at the end of the required reading involving A Bronx Tale?
A good person is one who never quits struggling with right and wrong. We are humans. By our very nature, we are weak and easily thrown off course by our own desires. This boy discussing A Bronx Tale reminds us of the never-ending struggle that each us plays out in order to be moral, decent beings. He also reminds us that at times we will fall. But what makes us good as opposed to mediocre or even bad, is that we recognize our struggles and we act to make them better.
8. What should a teacher do when she/he sees another student trying to get another student in trouble or somehow disrupting the class?
She must use this as a teachable moment. A classroom must be a community working together, struggling to do good together, recognizing that we all fall short of this at times. If a true sense of this type community is in place, then a teacher has the venue to open up discussion about wrong-doings with her students. The team will not only forgive, but they’ll learn and become cheerleaders for each other.
9. The Harry Singer Foundation pilot projects, Dream Machine, White Hats and Problem Solvers, are based on the premise that students have the capacity to act responsibly, interact with adults in the community and make mature decisions. In light of the article by Shannon Brownlee regarding the development of the teen brain, do you think the Foundation may be giving teens too much credit?
I refuse to believe that we give any child too much credit. Yes, they are different than we are and thus perceive things differently, talk about them differently, and handle them differently. They will make mistakes. But you can’t tell me that even in making those mistakes, if they’ve been taught right from wrong, that their inner voices won’t speak to them. They will know wrong when they see it, and will, given the opportunity, discuss it openly and maturely. Their decisions will never be perfect just as ours are not, but they will grow daily in their knowledge of right and wrong and their ability to make decisions will be impacted step by step.
10. If you think your students are capable, will you engage a group in one of our pilot projects?
Yes, I would. Of course, your projects may be geared more toward adolescents rather than elementary children. But perhaps, I could be a facilitator in my school system to help connect you with the age group you target.