Making Moments Count
  


by Frances Nelson 
Coshocton High School 
Coshocton, Ohio

Currently Teach:  General English II, College Preparatory English IV, Advanced College English IV, General English IV

Taught in the Past:  Freshman, Sophomore, Junior, and Senior English;  Creative Writing; World Literature; ACT Preparation; American Literature

    Role modeling is the responsibility of all adults in our society whether they want the title or not.  Simply by the nature of adulthood, a grown up is cast into that position because within the meaning of the word “adult" lies the concept of acceptable behavior.  No doubt, the responsibility of purposely modeling exemplary behavior, ethics, and morality to children falls heaviest on parents and next on those individuals who have chosen careers that focus on children.  Teachers, especially, fall into this second category because their job description by law clearly states "in parentis locus."

    So what do we do when adults refuse to be role models to their children?  We role model, whether we realize we are doing it or not.  Children are a composite of all that they see in their eighteen years of growing up.  No other group of individuals is told so often what they should do and asked so rarely what they think.  They spend years watching and sorting and deciding for themselves what is good and what is bad.  Too often adults think it is the one big lecture with a child or the enrollment in a special program or the intervention in a major problem that models life skills, but I believe it is the consistent little acts that make the biggest difference, those moments that say you as a human being are special, you are a valuable commodity in our society, and you should be treated with respect.

    I teach senior English in a small, Midwestern town with one high school of approximately 600 students.  One of my favorite teaching units for my seniors is practicing group discussion skills.  The topic I chose this past year for discussion was a history of tolerance and intolerance in America.  After four days of viewing documentaries, reading biographies, and noting newspaper and magazine articles on tolerance and intolerance, my students sat in a circle to present their perspectives.  I sat outside the circle and never participated, only marked when a student explained a view, acknowledged a response, and passed on the discussion.

    I was impressed with the students’ maturity.  They gave comments such as "My family is prejudiced, but I have learned that is wrong," or "No one can blame someone else for his acts of making fun of someone who is different because we are old enough now to decide for ourselves what is right and wrong, regardless of what our parents did," and "It is hard to understand someone else’s situation if we have never lived that problem."  Somewhere in the last 17 years these students have seen positive role modeling, and, in such a small town, I have to believe much of it came from their teachers.

    Among all the controversy and hubbub in education today, students’ daily contact with teachers can make a difference in their future.  Our smiles or our frowns, our patience or our impatience, our positive attitudes or our negative ones will set the stage for growth and change.  When Toby seems distracted and worried, a sincere "you seem very tired today. If you want, put your head down and rest” may give him the care he needs to go on in spite of Dad’s drunken abuse the night before.  Or the word of praise to Sarah for her good effort on an assignment may uplift her self-esteem after so many "you’re no good, I wish I never had you" harsh comments from her mom.  Our words and our facial expressions are powerful.

      I first became aware of my impact on my students years ago in my early days of teaching.  It was quite by accident.  One Saturday morning while enjoying my second cup of coffee, the telephone rang.  I answered and a subdued voice said, "Mrs. Nelson."

"Yes," I answered.

Again, "Mrs. Nelson," and then sobbing.

I recognized the voice of one of my students.  "Cindy?"

A moment of silence and then a strong, authoritative voice came on the line, " Mrs. Nelson?"

"Yes."

"This is Captain Turner of the Newark Police Department.  How do you know Cindy?"

"She is one of my English students."

"Do you have a close relationship with Cindy?"

"No, not particularly.  She likes to write."

"Mrs. Nelson, Cindy is at our police station.  She is the victim of kidnapping and rape. We gave her the phone to call her mother, and instead she called you."

"Why?" I asked.

"Obviously," he said, "she saw something in you that she felt comfortable with.  Mrs. Nelson, I would like for you to come to our station and plan to take Cindy home with you and plan on having her stay with you for a while.  Is that possible?"

    "Well, I don’t want to interfere with what her mother wants to do."

    " I’ll take care of that.  Cindy is still in danger because we do not have the rapists in custody.  They took Cindy to a trailer and when they fell asleep, she managed to escape. I need for you to do this."

    "All right," I said.  I hung up the phone and turned to my husband to explain.

    Cindy lived with us for three months, and in that time we did become close, but I was befuddled as to why she had called me that day.  The Captain’s remark "She saw something in you” kept playing in my mind.  One day I asked Cindy why she had called me.  Her reply opened my eyes.

    "One day in class you were helping me with my writing and I said to you that I always made so many mistakes.  You said that is why you have an erasure, to correct the mistakes.  It is just like a new day in our lives. Another chance to get it right.  That night my mom and I had a big fight and I left the house.  While walking down the road, this car stopped and two guys started talking to me and offered me a ride.  I got in the car.  When Captain Turner told me to call my mother, I just couldn’t.  I had made such a bad mistake and my mom would be angry; she wouldn’t understand.  I thought you would."

     I knew then that I was teaching more than English.

    So how do we deal with poor role modeling by adults?  We must tread lightly, unless of course severe neglect or serious abuse to the child is happening.  Then immediate action through the appropriate channels must be taken.  In most cases, to point out the wrong of the parents only exacerbates the problem.  The ties to family are sacred, and children will show allegiance to the worst of families.  It has been my experience that most parents do love their children, regardless of their poor parenting skills. We don’t want to pit child against parent.  In reality, what we see on a regular basis does not mandate legal action. What is more common is the parent who fails to exhibit responsible parenting skills, sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. We see parents who take no active interest in their child’s school work or where the child is or what the child is doing, parents who react with anger rather than with common sense, parents who maximize the use of scolding and punishment and ignore praise and guidance, parents who cop out on ownership and blame someone else for their condition in life and the behavior of their children.  Such dysfunctional role modeling may translate into troubled youth incapable of functioning successfully in a society that gives the freedom for individual choice but expects reasonable and mature behavior.

    But we must not sell our children short, for they are discerning observers.  We all know that it only takes one person who cares to lift up a beaten down soul. The human spirit is strong and like a neglected plant will lean toward the light and seek the water for nourishment.  We never know when we are offering sustenance and direction, for they are often hidden in our quick little comments or our brief interactions.

    As teachers we are on exhibition every minute of every day.

Certainly the greatest teaching we do is not in the history lesson or the math formula but in modeling daily existence.  After all, many children spend more hours of the day with their teachers than with their parents.  No one has a better opportunity to be an example. Our influence is subtle but powerful.

    So when someone says to me, "Oh, you teach English," I think to myself no, I teach children.  My slice of the pie happens to be communication skills. Important as they are, the English skills are superficial compared to the greater learning beneath.  When I assign an essay and the student says," I can’t write," and I smile and say," I’m going to show you how," I am teaching confidence in meeting a challenge.  Then when I review the writing and suggest additions and changes, I’m teaching perseverance till the task is completed successfully.  And when the final product is marked "job well done" or "good effort," I’m instilling self- worth and pride for accomplishment.

     At the end of each school year I ask my high school students to evaluate my class.  I always feel my work has been validated when my students say things like "I feel comfortable with my writing now," or "I no longer fear talking in front of a group." But I am most struck by the child I did not think I had reached telling me how much I had meant to him or her.   And the moment that meant so much is usually one that seemed barely noteworthy to me, but when I analyzed its message, it said you are important.

     Several years ago I called a senior who had been absent for many days.  The other students had told me he just wasn’t coming to school.  When I called, I asked if he were sick and he said no.  I told him I missed him in class and wanted him to come back.  He did.  In his evaluation at the end of the year he said, "I don’t think I would have returned if you had not called.  It seemed that no one cared that I wasn’t there, until you."

    We educators must quit handing out blame for what is and focus on what could be.  In most cases, we are powerless to change family situations, but have endless opportunities to lead a child to a new path.  We need to model an approach to life that says an individual performs in spite of the wrongs he’s been dealt and not because of them.  We must show each child the worth in self.

    Every year millions of dollars are spent in this country on educational programs for students at risk, and legislators in every state are yelling about higher standards for teachers and our guidance departments have turned into testing centers to meet the state and federal requirements.  I do not belittle any of these, because some have achieved remarkable results, and we should take advantage of every program that helps us guide our youth.

  But I do know this:  when the program runs its course and the money is gone, we still have one teacher and a roomful of children.  Isn’t that the bottom line, isn’t that what we have always had?  No one ever says it was the program or the curriculum or the testing that influenced me.  It was the person, the teacher who taught me that I am important, that I can do "in spite of "and not "because of."

    Little acts have mammoth results, and bits of time build into years of learning.  Teachers have 7 hours a day for 180 days a year to influence:  1,260 hours a year.  Total this time by 12 years, and the time spent is immense:  15,120 hours for teachers to make a difference in the life of a child. Surely, we can model a better way.

Answers to Questions

Q1.  Comment on the 6 year old with a telescope and his interest in abstract ideas.  How unusual was he?  Have you encountered students with similar focus and reasoning abilities? Discuss. 

The 6 year old exhibited unusual metaphysical thinking.  I can’t recall an incidence of this depth, but I do know that students, when allowed to freely express their thoughts, show keen reasoning.  Recently after my class read "Oedipus the King," a student commented how mankind still has not rid itself of many wrong doings. Man still exhibits the same weaknesses.  He went on to say that the Greeks abhorred incest as we do. We have today, however, made such a crime more possible, unknowingly to the culprit as was Oedipus situation, through the advancement of artificial insemination and adoption. "Isn’t it ironic," he said, "that scientific advancement has created a greater pitfall for mankind while also creating a sociological advancement.  Progress seems to place man in more moral and ethical dilemmas."

Q2.  Were you surprised to read that young children may be "ethically introspective citizens"?  Discuss. 

Not at all.  Children of all ages exhibit introspection about ethics. They willingly participate in all types of projects that prove this: recycling of paper, saving cans for recycling, collecting food for the Salvation Army at Christmas, giving blood to the Red Cross, collecting money for endangered animals.  The list is endless.  I find that children have not become cynical and do believe they have a responsibility to do what is right, not only for themselves but for others and for future generations.

Q3.  Do you agree that morality can be taught in all kinds of classes?

Give examples from experience.  

Yes.  One day while my seniors were taking a test, I received an emergency phone call.  "Students,” I said, "I have to go take this call.  I trust you to not help each other on the test."  When I returned and collected the test at the end of the period, the students said to me "That wasn’t fair."  I asked, "What do you mean?" They said, " you set us up not to cheat by assuming we were honest."  Expectations have a lot to do with morality.  I always tell my students when I return a test that after we go over it if anyone thinks I did not give them proper credit on an extended answer tell me, and I will review the answer again.  After reviewing several answers and noting that yes the student did give the correct answer, and I give the student the credit on the grade, I notice that some students, in turn, will show me where I did not count their wrong answers wrong. Modeling brings results.

Q4.  What was meant by the phrase encountered in your required reading:  "We are all moral witnesses"?  Describe an instance in the classroom when you were a good moral witness. 

I asked a student to go to the cafeteria and buy me some crackers one day when I was feeling slightly nauseated.  When he returned, he gave me change for a ten.  I said to him, "Please take this back and tell the cashier she gave me too much change.  I gave her a five, not a ten."  Several students said, "Keep it.  She doesn’t know." I answered, "But I know, and I have to answer to me more than anyone else."

Q5.  Define courage.  Tell of a youngster who has had the courage to stand up for his/her beliefs/values.

Courage is taking what you know to be the right action with disregard for consequences to yourself.  With high school students this commonly means taking the right action even though you may suffer embarrassment or other repercussions from your peers. The opinions of peers are so important to teenagers.  This past year I observed a student courageously stand up for what he thought was right.  He was having a party and had invited most of the members of his basketball team.  One team member asked him what time the party started.  He replied,  "You are not invited because you drink beer, smoke pot, and then brag about it.  I’m sorry, but you are not welcome in my home."  The uninvited student was very popular.  Another student confronted the party giver and told him he was being a jerk.  His reply was, "Hey, man, I like him, but my family has standards."

Q6.  Comment on the discussion on Courage that took place during a 4^th grade history lesson, as outlined in the required reading.  Share an experience where your class spontaneously engaged in a moral analysis. 

After reading An Enemy of the People by Henrik Ibsen, my students made the connection to current problems we face today in our society.  Just as the town in the play had to decide whether to close the polluted baths to save people from sickness or keep them open for the income of the town, today we are confronted with whether to close certain industrial plants to avoid water pollution and air pollution or keep them open to allow workers a livelihood.  They determined that morality is not always a simple yes or no.

Q7.  How is a good person described at the end of the required reading involving A Bronx Tale?

A good person is one who realizes that he continually will be presented with moral dilemmas, small ones and big ones.  He recognizes that throughout life he will have to evaluate situations and make moral decisions.  Morality is not suddenly acquired one day, and one doesn’t have to worry about it any more.  It is an ongoing choice.

Q8.  What should a teacher do when she/he sees a student trying to get another student in trouble or somehow disrupting the class? 

I immediately engage the troublemaker in the lesson by walking toward him/her and asking a question.  I try to avoid confrontation in the classroom because that often gives the student the stage he is seeking. After class I will talk to the student alone and tell him/her what I observed and explain why that is unacceptable and express my expectations.  To ask questions like "why did you do that?" is usually ineffective because generally there is no good answer the student can give.  I avoid being judgmental .  Instead, I remain simply matter of fact.

Q9.  In light of the article by Shannon Brownlee regarding the development of the teen brain, do you think the foundation may be giving teens too much credit?

No, I have the privilege of teaching seniors.  Often when another teacher sees me writing a recommendation for a student, a typical comment is "I taught him as a freshman.  I don’t think I could write a good evaluation for him.  He was a troublemaker." I am happy to be able to respond, "Fortunately, he has grown up.  Often we forget that high school is a growing process.  I am lucky to see that."  My belief that it is never too late is validated by the article.

Q10.  If you think your students are capable, will you engage a group in one of our pilot projects?  If not, why not? 

If the program is appropriate to the age of seniors and a worthwhile endeavor for them, yes, I will definitely consider using it. Problem Solvers sounds like a very worthwhile program for seniors.  It will bring the real world into the classroom.
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