Kinsley High School

Kinsley, Kansas

Teacher:  Dr. Galen R. Boehme

 

 

Helping Children in Divorced Families

Presented by:

Mr. Corey Dinkel

 

In my community we need to give more personal attention to helping the students who have divorced parents, mentoring students who do not have a parent figure around to influence them, and helping students become involved with groups and programs.

           

Today in many communities children live in a one-parent home.  Children from a one-parent home may suffer emotional and mental effects.  Also, children who live with one parent are more likely to have a harder time of having material items because of the lack of money a single parent makes in one household.  Children who live with a single parent are five times as likely to be poorer than with two parents.  Two-thirds of the single parent families are poor, being below the national income and having problems supporting their own family.

           

In 1998 an estimated 1,300 new stepfamilies were formed everyday.  Forty percent of children born today will live in second marriages ending in divorce, and that rate increases every year.¹

           

Kay Pasley, associate professor of human development and family studies at Colorado State University, Fort Collins, states, “A 10 percent higher divorce rate is not a lot when in-laws and expectations of them belonging to a new marriage keep coming up in families.”  Children of new marriages have the hardest time understanding the reasons why one of their parents is marrying a different person.²

           

Studies of divorces and the way children react to the divorce show that the children, depending on their ages, believe that it was their own fault for their parents’ getting a divorce.  When children believe that it is their fault, they will take the divorce a lot harder and the divorce will have more emotional damage on the children.  Explaining to a child after the divorce of their parents will help the child understand why the parents divorced rather then take the blame for the divorce.³

           

In my community, many children live in a one-parent home.  The school nurse, Judi McKinney, says one of the reasons for many of the problems in the school system is that boys may not have a father figure to look up to; the girl may not have a strong mother role model.  In kindergarten through fourth grade, 57 percent of children have divorced parents.  In the middle school, 53 percent of the students come from divorced families.  At the high school, 67 percent of the students come from divorced families.

           

In the school system steps can be taken to help students adjust to divorce factors.  One step is having a counselor who will help students with their problems.  The students need someone to talk to besides their parents.  Second step that can be taken could be to discipline the children more.  If parents discipline their children more, then parents will get their children’s attention and more respect.  The old fashioned way of spanking will usually straighten the child out and the child will listen and respect more.  The third step that can be taken is to have community mentors who have good morals.  The mentor may learn from the child as the child can learn from the mentor.  The mentor needs to be somebody who does not know the child too well, so that the relationship can be based on his or her observations of one another.⁴

           

I as an individual can become a big brother mentor.  This means that I can help children with their problems and the child will have me as a role model.  Perhaps I could help in school and other activities such as sports, clubs, and even homework.

           

Students involved in groups like Student Council, Kays, and Target, can also help students.  They may find a new way of resolving their problems.  Being part of a club can make a child feel as if he belongs to someone and something.  Student Council will let students be involved in the school and the student body.  Kays and Target are organizational groups that help the school and the community.  Groups that students can be involved with can make a difference in a student’s life.⁵

           

Becoming involved with children and helping them with their problems may help the child succeed better in school and may help the child adjust to his/her parents’ divorce.  My challenge to myself is to be involved with children and help them with their problems.  This could be the activities they are a part of, schoolwork that they may need help with.  This will make the child feel as if he/she is cared for and is a part of a bigger group.

Footnotes

¹ Miriam, pp.1E.

² Pasley, pp.1E.

³ Bower, pp.4E.

⁴ McKinney, interview.

⁵ Dinkel, personal reference.

 

Selected Bibliography

Durkin, Miriam, “Together For the Kids,” Charlotte Observer, March 14, 1993, pp.1E  SIRS,  Volume 5, Article 4.

 

Dinkel, Corey, Personal Reference.

Bower, Bruce, “Hangin in There”, Fargo N.D.  May 1, 1998, SIRS , Volume 4, Article 7.

McKinney, Judi. Interview. Kinsley High School, Kinsley, Kansas, February 17, 2000.

Pasley, Kay, “All in the Family” Charlotte Observer, May 1, 1998, pp.4E, SIRS,  Volume 4 Article 4. 

 

Responses to the Questions

for Required Reading

 

Singer Packet-Question #1                                                                    

How does society invest in marriage in the USA and in Manus?

Marriage in the United States and in Manus differs greatly in many ways.  The investment in society of the United States and of Manus differs.  Also, the gifts that are given to each side of the marriage couple differ greatly.

In the United States people marry because they supposedly love each other.  In the United States when couples are married they may have children right away or wait until they have settled down with their marriage.  Manus financiers invest in marriages and the reputation and money exchanges that center on the marriage. 

When a child is born in the United States the parents do care if it is a boy or a girl.  In the United States families with children pass on their family name.  When a child is born in the United States families usually give money to help out with medical expenses and give toys to the child.  In Manus, when a male child is born, a large number of relatives invest dogs’ teeth and shell money and the bride’s side pay these amounts back in pigs and oil. 

Some couples in the United States decide to divorce each other.  When a couple is together for a certain amount of time the couple really does not receive greater prestige then usually.  In Manus, before the marriage financiers hesitate to invest in a man who has been divorced.  Financiers center their investments on a tried and enduring marriage and substantially endorsed, assume greater prestige.

All in all the United States and Manus consider marriages different in each society.  Marriage in the United States has a strong relationship and in Manus it is more for the wealth.

 

Singer Packet-Question #2

Interview 10 married people. (No names.) State the length and number of each one’s marriages and a line or two of advice from each on how to maintain a long, happy relationship.

                                 

The first couple that I interviewed was my aunt and uncle from Morland, married for five years.  My aunt’s advice for a long happy relationship is, “You have to have understanding of your companion, and must not have any second doubts about the love for your companion.”  My uncle told me, “You must love your wife with all your heart.”

            The second couple I interviewed, I called my aunt and uncle from Junction City, married 28 years, married right out of high school.  My aunt told me, “You must not have a second doubt about the person you love or you will get hurt in the long run.”  My uncle told me, “When you have that feeling that you love somebody and there is no room in your heart for someone else, then you have found your companion.”

            The third couple that I interviewed was my grandma and grandpa from Canton, married for 41 years.  My grandma said, “You just have a feeling, like love at first sight.”  My grandpa told me, “When you find somebody you love, and you know you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, that will lead you to a happy relationship.”

            The fourth couple I interviewed was my mom and dad, how they felt when they were married, this marriage lasted five years.  My mom told me, “You must have all the love for your companion to make the relationship last.”  My dad told me, “If you want to have a lasting relationship, you must show your companion respect.”

            The fifth couple I interviewed was my aunt and uncle from Canton, married for eleven years.  My aunt said, “You must show respect and love for your companion to have a long lasting relationship.”  My uncle really did not say too much, but he told me, “You must show love and respect.”

            The sixth couple I interviewed was my cousin and her husband, married for three years.  My cousin said, “If you are going to love someone you must have mutual respect for each other.”  My cousin’s husband said, “Just show love for your companion.”

            The seventh group I interviewed was two older friends, first time marriage for both.  She told me, “You need to have the love and devotion for your companion to make it last.”  He said, “I believe that you need to show the love in your heart to your companion.”

            The eighth group I interviewed was a close friend of mine who married five months ago.  He said, “You have a feeling in your heart when you are around that person, which will help in the long run.”  She said, “If you love the person, it will last.”

            The ninth group was two friends of my mom’s, married six years.  She told me,  “You feel the love for your companion in your heart, and that will help you with your marriage.”  He said, “If you love somebody with enough of your heart, it will work out.”

            The tenth couple is engaged.  He said, “If you want a long lasting relationship you must show the love.”  She said, “Show the love and it will work out.”

After interviewing these couples, each couple said more of the same things about their companion.  A person must show the love and respect for a person’s companion to have a long lasting relationship.

 

Singer Packet-Question #3

According to Richard Eckersley, what should our collective goal be?                                       

 

            Richard Eckersley states that our collective goal should be to dematerialize society without reducing the quality of life.  Eckersley states, “A wide range of environmental indicators suggest that, globally, we are still moving away from sustainability, not toward it.”  He states this because globally, the earth is suffering from the “green house effect,” where the gases that are let off from factories, motor vehicles, and other powered objects that give off gases are trapped in the atmosphere.  Problems that result are the oceans are heating up which in turn is causing weather to be different in certain areas than that area normally has.  As we make progress in the world we are also destroying the world.

            Eckersley states, “There may be alternatives to certain environmental problems globally.”  The alternatives are not to focus on wealth creation, but also on the distribution and conservation of natural resources.  Most people do not realize that the atmosphere is dying.  People are more worried about their own involvement and do not consider the atmosphere as one of those worries.

People should consider alternatives to helping the environment and society.  People can cut down the amount of gas people buy and the amount of driving people do. 

In doing so, the public will be adapting more appropriate set of values: showing understanding, doing volunteer service, becoming more proactive rather than reactive to existing matters.

 

Singer Packet-Question #4

Writ a worthy goal for your local community.                              

 

            A worthy goal for the home community is to take care of our families and help out.  This goal is one of my own to help my mom, to keep our house in good shape, and to get along with my mom so we do not fight.

            Every home community has different problems.  Some homes have more children than others, and some children only live with one parent.  No matter what the circumstances, each family should have a goal of living cooperatively in their home and doing certain tasks around the home.  As a result, families should be able to get along with each other better.

            A sign of a weak family unit includes these: many students are in trouble with the law; the students have a bad attitude towards the community and authority; children come too frequently from blended families.  There are too many students that are on the ineligibility list.

            A stronger family unit is more caring, sharing, and has more accountability of one another.  If there is a strong family unit then the school, churches, and community will not have to pick up so much slack.

            If a family has a home goal, living will be easier and more tasks will be completed without the hassle of arguing how to do it.  If the home community wants to have a strong unit, then the people live and care for one another and share the tasks.

 

Singer Packet-Question #5                                       

Comment on the excerpts from “Tomorrow’s Child.”

 

            The excerpts of “Tomorrow’s Child” reveal that wealth and income are starting to widen among different groups in society.  If the gap becomes wider, then the gap between different racial and ethnic groups will also start to widen. Robert Litan, director of economic studies at the Brookings Institution, states, “If wealth and income continue to widen, we could find ourselves in a winner-take-all society.”  The people who are the wealthiest will take it all, and the people under them will start to pull away and widen their gap, and start to fade away from society.

            If we do not work together and join different ethnic and racial groups, then our society will collapse.  The people who are now dominant over the minorities will not maintain that hold on the minorities as much because a gap will exist where one group does not have anything to do with another group.  Litan quotes, states a valid point, “How the nation fares in the next century will depend on whether those changes widen the socioeconomic gap between races or help close it.”  Litan is right, “Groups need to work together to close the gaps between them, so that cultures may live together instead of between the gaps.”

A strong family unit will provide the stability that a child needs, even though the socioeconomic factor will be present.  With a strong family unit, no child should need a “doll” to replace a parent.

 

Singer Packet-Question #6

How does the fact the USA is a democracy make lawyers particularly helpful, according to Kathleen Sullivan?  How does our diversity, wealth and size make lawyers particularly helpful?

                                   

            According to Sullivan four features of the United States make it particularly helpful to have lawyers, to help us with the issues of democracy, diversity, wealth and size.

            Democracy with individualism and social fluidity is deeply ingrained in our culture.  “Lawyers help, like other intermediaries, between individuals and the state, protect us from the danger of tyranny of the majority.”  Americans resist high taxes, and the government.   Lawyers take on many functions and have a way of questioning the best way to address the rights of the people.

            Americans have more diversity than most societies.  “Heterogeneity brings more conflict and less agreement about social customs.”  The reason why we have lawyers is because we have more conflict on matters and lawyers help resolve these matters.

            The United States is a wealthy country.  The United States is a country where the people worry about human life, because they have enough money to meet the needs of daily life.  Sullivan states, “People who worry about healthcare and the longevity of human life often are people who have to think about what law can do to solve those problems.” 

            United States is one of the biggest countries in the world.  “We are a vast, expansive territory in which individuals are far-flung, and we have a lot of corporate investment and provide blending in nonprofit organizations operating nationally.”  Lawyers in the United States gives people many opportunities to achieve certain tasks in their lives in spite of the various ways of looking at social matters.

 

Singer Packet-Question #7

Ms. Sullivan claims bad practices are changed either by regulations or punitive damages.  Which do you prefer and why?  Can you think of an alternative?               

 

If companies use regulations then people will develop and contain information, regardless where the people may be.  Sullivan talks about the hot cup of coffee at McDonald’s.  If there are regulations on the temperature of the coffee then people will not have to worry about one cup of coffee being too cold at this McDonald’s and another cup is too hot at another McDonald’s.  If the United States regulates more items such as the temperatures of coffee at McDonald’s, then there may not be as much room for controversy.  The coffee at McDonald’s is one way to use regulations.  The community, school, and other business and organization can use regulations.  Regulations are used in these places to keep the businesses and organizations equal to one another in respect to the quality of service. Regulations are good in many cases.  Some people question the serious issues about fairness.  Regulations help achieve fairness in society.   

 

Singer Packet-Question #8

Briefly describe three ways society would benefit from the coming retirement of baby boomers, according to the required reading.

                               

One way that society would benefit from the retirement of baby boomers would be to let them work, let them open ‘gray businesses,’ and let the younger entrepreneurs help the retired run errands and do work.

 Work is proving to be a natural part of retirement for the elders.  After people retire, they still feel the urge to work or help somebody.  When the old baby boomers retire the Generation X’ers settle down to create a new baby boom.  The old baby boomers are the healthiest and most educated generation in history.  They will be more likely to go out and open up their own businesses.  They will establish ‘gray businesses’ made up of older workers.  This business will make older workers highly competitive.  Some companies may offer “elder care” facilities.  Elderly who stay home may provide opportunities for teenage entrepreneurs.

The elderly can benefit the younger generations in many ways.  Elderly can run their own businesses, can help other people, and the younger people can help the elderly by running errands for them.

 

Singer Packet-Question #9

Evaluate the likelihood of President Clinton’s anti-poverty program making a real impact.  Give at least three reasons to back up your conclusions.

                                       

            President Clinton’s anti-poverty program can make a difference.  First item that Clinton proposed was a 25 percent tax credit enabling companies investing in poor areas over five years to finance $100- worth of business for $75.  Second, a variety of institutions provide public debt guarantees for private companies, which invest equity in poor areas.  Third, there will be more help for the so- called Community Development Financial Institutions (CDFI), a swarm of largely nonprofit organizations which have been partly financed by the government since 1994 and which provide cheap loans to the poor.

Minority owned businesses are growing twice as fast as the average business.  Also, the growth population is a contributing factor for minorities. Their population determines their success or failure.  “The mainstreaming of minority owned business is preceding.  The government will play a small part in that, which is perhaps one reason why the progress will continue.”

            Clinton’s anti-poverty program has made a difference.  Almost four million people have lifted themselves above the poverty line since 1993.  It will take time for the poverty to decrease and job employment to go up.

 

Singer Packet-Question #10

Name three things Truett Cathy and Tom Lewis have in common?

                                 

            One trait that Cathy and Lewis have in common is that both of them had different occupations before they took their current task.  Cathy worked in a restaurant and discovered the Chick-Fil-A.  Lewis was a police officer and then opened up an after school place for kids to come to for schoolwork.

            Both Cathy and Lewis had turning points in their lives after many years of working at their occupations.  Cathy worked in a restaurant with his brother until his brother was killed in a plane crash.  Cathy experimented with his chicken sandwich.  Later, he said that he never knew his father and he turned around and built houses for foster children.  Cathy used his money to build foster homes for children that need a place to live.  Lewis was a police officer and said, “If I live to see retirement I will give something back to children.”  He opened a building to help children with their homework. They are open to computers for help.

            The main point is that both Cathy and Lewis helped children in need in a positive way and the expenses came out of Cathy’s and Lewis’s pockets.